Monologue PART I

SK, MY SPORTS FRIEND

We practice exercising our mouths and sprinting in our heels. Our upper body workouts consist of football signs and fixing our hair; lower body moves, we'll let the men take care of that necessity. we are the quarterbacks of the team, the smart ones. this blond and this brunette think hard about plays, X's and O's, but fashion and style are what we're best at. Their coaches would say "men" is their specialty; they never forget that ineligible receiver downfield. He is a stalker and cannot take NO for an answer. Her appendix hurts, but she is still sporting that Mistletoe shirt. They both like to read, so why does everyone think they are so ditsy? Their relationship woes can be solved over a martini at Julip. did anyone say stapler, trash bag, or curling ribbon? Don't buy that new purse line!! It's ours, and we get a discount. Does anyone know anything about soccer? We must, we must, we must increase our bust. Did you hear about Jacqui? My monogrammed bag was supposed to be back last week. No, we don't sell Webkinz!! The bathroom is upstairs, our is OUT OF ORDER. Maybe you should look at the map right outside our door... For the LAST TIME...

Forget Gatorade. This team runs on sugar-free Redbull and Starbucks. I can't wrap that now!; my coffee is still hot. One internet junkie and one technologically challenged; these girls don't like generic. Cotton, it comes from the ground? I thought it was a boutique. PEACE. It sells out fast. the money is locked in the cabinet that is for files. Now we keep it by the toilet. We don't have those in any other letters. You said Debit, Lady!; put your pin in. I haven't gotten commission since August. She's not here today. We need a donation for our super, special, charity benefit for the Rectum Foundation and the Chimpanzee Animal Farm. Do you still have...? No, we sold out last year. Will you be getting anymore of these thingies in? They are always on back order. You still haven't picked up your graduation gift. When will it go to 75% off? There is NO gift wrapping and NO returns on sale items. I won't ever let my kid wear squeaky shoes. Umm, your child just ran out the door; you can't eat that sweetie. Where do all the Sharpies go? Ginger said, Ginger said, Ginger said... Where is Ginger? Yesterday she was baking, today she is sewing. You fell off the ladder!! I couldn't reach the top lock. Maintenance was supposed to come by.

Plumber, I'm glad you're finally working, but I don't want to see your crack. Who said crack? No I'm not. Somebody parked in my spot. Do you have any of these in the back? I can't stand up all day; bring me that orange stool; Ginger is coming! Use this cutsie hanger. That's an Ugly Doll!! You're right, we just got a new shipment. "Teens, Tween and Drama Queens." Does it sound like we have anything for boys? The charms are five dollars each. The radio isn't working and my iPod is in my car. I'll be back. She didn't take out the trash? No girl, but she looks like trash.

Freaky, your cell phone just jumped off the counter. It's my vibrator silly; I don't want my clients to hear it. UPS already came today. They ask me my last name every stinkin' day. It's a bath gem; you put it in the bath tub. I need a MomAgenda; can you order me a blue and silver floral one. It's November dumby, where were you the last ten months? I need two phone numbers, your drivers licence number and date of birth. I only have one phone number, and I can't remember it. My kid goes to that school that starts with a J and ends with an A. They don't have lockers there, but is this all the magnets you have? Jingle coins, jingle coins, jingle coins rock. Roll these up please. How long is 16 inches? Maggie is dancing today. You don't put that in the money bag.

We are a tag team. Offsides!! The speakers aren't working. I don't think there are any speakers. It's a touch screen; you don't have to use the mouse. But I have a gift certificate to pay for it. Also, can I buy a gift certificate for $20; my daughter has a tennis party to go to today. She is the best one on the team, and my son... They must be special kids, short bus special. Call me whenever he texts you, emails you or calls you. I want to meat tall, dark and handsome. It is a team effort. I need your help on make-up; see you on the field.

May the best man, err, woman, WIN!

Heads. Tails.

What Highland Village should look like!!!