Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Night Before Christmas



'Twas the night before Christmas, and far out at sea
Our vessel was sailing, as smooth as could be

The stockings were hung from the balcony chairs
With hope that St. Nicholas would find them out there

The children were nestled all snug in their uppers
Having just settled down from a Christmas Eve supper

And ma and myself, we were covered in aloe
A bit too much sun, in a pool, warm and shallow

When up in the sky, there arose such a clatter
I leapt from my bed to see what was the matter

To the sliding glass door, I flew like a flash
Well, more like a saunter, and less like a dash

And what to my skeptical eyes should appear
But a great shiny sleigh, and eight flying reindeer

They circled our ship, from starboard to port
As the moon lit the driver, a jolly old sort

Who called to his team, in a happy retort
"Now Dasher, now Dancer," so on and so forth

We raced through our cabin and into the hall
To the very top deck, in time for us all

To be awed by the sight of Old Santa's sleigh
As he lightly touched down, by the midnight buffet

With a bundle of goodies thrown over his back
He rose in the air and dropped down the smokestack

Santa went straight to work, and later we learned
He found every child's cabin, from the bow to the stern

Insides and oceanviews, balconies and suites
Santa filled every stocking, with toys and with treats

Until all his deliveries had been handled with care
Then he noted he still had a minute to spare

So he surfed the wave rider, with nary a fall
While Dasher and Dancer scaled the rock-climbing wall

And Prancer, who had always been fond of the cold
Tried the ice-skating rink, a sight to behold

And then with a whistle, Santa summoned his team
And he bade us farewell, silent nights and sweet dreams

And I heard him exclaim, as he flew out of view
Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good cruise.

~Lifted~

Momma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

What happens when a deer jumps on the hood of an SC430?

Momma got run over by a REINDEER!!

Throw in Barnett's Body Shop and you get a bunch of ELVES who cannot tell the difference in up and down. Seriously, why would you try to put an aftermarket part on such car?!

SANTA was supposed to give the thing back yesterday; too bad his elves just couldn't get it together this year.

That's ok. In the mean time, well for the last 3 weeks, one family is putting "usual" wear and tear on a rental, some Cadillac suv they don't like. It's quite comical riding 'round in the Caddy.

As a passenger trying to move the seat back, someone realized the seat was not a power seat. Come on!! I'm guessing this is a pretty expensive car, and why would you make it without a power passenger seat? The bratty remark was, "UGH, no power seat!" To which the driver replied, "Cheap thing." This is what opened the whole can of worms!!

A usual cold blooded person on the way to the grocery store went further to look for the "butt warmers", more typically known as the seat warmer at which time she could not find them and remarked so. The disappointment continued... "Cheap thing!!" It doesn't even have a digital clock!! Who wants to try to figure out what time it is looking at a round one? Some people have to count the numbers to know what it says. Can't that be quite dangerous while driving?!

At some point all cars need gas, no joke. How many women does it take to put gas in a Caddy? How long should one be required to look for the gas cover release button inside a car? Normally they just have a little gas pump on them to let people know what it is. Oh, no, not this sub-standard. "But it doesn't have a lock on it." "Should we just wait for the gas light to come on?" "At this rate it may not have one." Who would've thought that you just push it like a cd player and it magically pops open? Come on! What kind of safety feacher is that? Blond proof, not criminal proof...

"It's a rental, we'll park by the buggy thing." And in the Target parking lot and unable to find one's rental: "How can you steal a rental?" "The same way you'd steal a normal car!"

All these things and who would think about eggs?! Really, is the price of eggs worth the wear and tear on a chicken's butt?